Connection

With every day passing, with every hour saying goodbye, with every minute moving on, with every second running, I'm getting to know life better and better. I've come closer to it. My understanding is growing and I'm grasping some bitter truths, one after the other.

This single truth pacing in my mind, running like a wild beast on the loose, it's disturbing me and haunting me like a troubling paradox. It is building up a tempest of fear and regret inside me. It is haunting me. It is taunting me. This truth is the worst one so far, one which I simply cannot swallow. One which is similar to the reek of rotting cabbage and the stench of death. This truth left me bewildered and made me enter an endless grotto of thoughts. It was dark inside, I had no source of light, I could see no single ray of light and I felt myself evaporating in to the darkness. There was no single way out, no end, no exit, no back door, no secret passage way. There was nobody to pinch me, to poke me in order to wake me up. All I could hear was this single truth. It was everywhere. The more I thought, the more my heart swore allegiance to this reality. Somehow I managed to escape, but as soon as I escaped, there was more to it. I could see walking and talking examples of this truth.

This particular truth has denied the wisdom of knowledge, it had given knowledge a position after hard work. It had simply disregarded knowledge. I do not know if I've succeeded in making my point clear, but to be on the safe side let me keep my words simple and my phrases understandable. In my wildest dreams I cannot fathom why is some cases hard work, determination, experience, better understanding of the world

to be continued....

Human

Thoughts always come crashing down, initially I had to take myself out of the wreck, but now as I write, there is no wreck left, so no cleaning up. Pondering over the fact that every individual in this world is different, I feel a tinge or I should rather say a shiver of amazement. Along with having different fingerprints they have different mindsets, discrepant thinking, conflicting logic, incongruous intellects and multifarious behaviors. in short they are as different as snowflakes are from one another. They look similar, but upon scanning meticulously the reality of their dissimilarity is disclosed. What they do, is what they think, and what they think, is who they are.

Writing all this down makes me feel awkward as I use the words similar, same, alike, and of a kind, quite often. Anyways there is one more interesting thing about these species, i.e Humans of course. They are tremendous actors, their versatility reflects from the fact that they change roles every single day, every single minute and every single second. They are great at faking it. In my wildest dreams, humans amaze me to the point of utter and utmost amazement. Fooling one another is indeed their favorite past time. They are actors, directors, producers, writers and cameramen, all at the same time. Their love for comedy, humor and satire is immense and eternal, its power breaks, shatters, ruptures, crushes, and smashes to smithereens, hearts of many among them. Their caring, loving, and selfless attitude towards one another is portrayed and flawlessly presented by the fact that they help each other in moving out of this world faster and in seconds.

There is a lot more about these amazing matchless souls in these wild dreams, but I like these wild dreams pacing in my head like a caged lion, hence I'd stop here for now. Blimey, they're on the loose again! 

Construction

I have always wanted to be an architect. I've always wanted to build, construct, assemble, put together, establish and create something extraordinary, but since I won't be able to do that and since I won't get a chance to work with real building or construction materials, I've found a way out.

I consider language, phrases, words, letters, a pencil, paper and an eraser as all the material I need, to build; bigger, better and beautiful. All the material mentioned above enables me to experiment, judge, build up, to inculcate, to portray, to present, to play and to be able to do a lot more.

Writing has always given me great pleasure, and it makes my soul sing with satisfaction. It is something I do for myself, it's something that comes from within. It's what I do, it's what I think. it's who I am!

Initially, more than half of my 'Wild Dreams' were turned to bits, ashes, microscopic pieces and eaten up by trash receptacles, but not anymore. These 'Wild Dreams' do not harm. They have never harmed me, nor have they harmed any other soul in the wider world. They've never caused trouble or messed things up. Hence, I've decided to do no harm to them. I've decided to keep this wild collection safe and sound and protected and cared and valued and loved and respected and pondered over and... and.. and... My Wild Dreams are on the loose yet another time!!

Wild

My thoughts are wilder than my dreams and the name 'my wild thoughts' would have been better but I guess we use the two words 'come true' with 'dreams' and not with 'thoughts'. So this is better isn't it?

Plus, getting lost in the wild has its own benefits. The best thing  it does is very precious.
It gives you something you won't find or encounter or learn while sitting in your lounge watching television. What getting lost in the wild give you is, EXPERIENCE.
Which to me is something sacred, something pure, something that comes from within, something that books can't teach you. It something this other sacred thing called Life gives us as a gift, gradually.

This thing called experience is so friendly, so caring and selfless that it not only helps the one who has it but also the one who needs it, the one who wants it..

This extremely valuable possessions' benefits are innumerable, but for now this is enough as my wild dreams are loosing track once again.  

Microscope

Appearances are indeed deceptive,
Where was I living?
What was I doing?
I guess, I've just removed the cobwebs of sleep. I've just discovered that the Earth was actually flat. In My Wildest Dreams I've never come across something like this, but the fact that this is no stupid joke makes me feel awful. A mirage always fools me, albeit I know it's not there, but something inside me is always ready to argue with my logic.
How can what I see be wrong?
How can my eyes, my mind, my intellect be wrong?
How can my own observation deceive me?
I wonder what the world is.
It took me fifteen years to wake up, and I guess it will take me another fifteen to be alert enough, to be able to judge, to be able to understand, to be able to answer, to be able to do what I want to.
My Wild Dreams are on the loose!

Journey

I have spent the past fifteen years of my life in an air conditioned car. A car which was in a slow steady motion. I looked outside from the window and upon scanning the surroundings, I could see 'silent smiles', 'tension free naps', 'beautiful fireworks', some 'helping hands' and indeed some more, equally, mesmerizing scenes. This peaceful journey was full of joy, cheerfulness, contentment, bliss and I sure did reach cloud nine after passing the seventh heaven. The crisp, cool environment inside, radiated a significant positiveness, optimism and a great sense of security. As I traveled ahead on the smooth, even, carpeted road I came across many new faces, many new voices, many new gestures, and I made each one fit in the car. As the car moved, the number grew. There was no single driver, every passenger turned the steering in the direction they themselves wanted to. No one cared what I wanted, no one bothered to find out where I wanted to take my car. I wanted to steer my car myself! I wanted to make it fly; up high. At that point in time, the fact that cars don't fly, completely slipped out of my mind. These futuristic thoughts and the entire state of play frustrated me to the point of utmost frustration.
 In my derailment, I did something I should have never done!
I HAD OPENED THE CAR WINDOW!
Thhisshhhh!
The air outside was in a state of battle readiness, it was torrid and very deadly indeed, slapping me right away. It slapped me so hard that the bitter reality of the journey dawned upon me.
I realized the fact that the 'silent smiles' were hopeless sighs,
The 'tension free naps' were lifeless bodies,
The 'beautiful fireworks' were deadly bombs,
and I realized the fact that the 'helping hands' were actually helping themselves!
It dawned upon me that all the mesmerizing views were false frameworks, bogus backdrops and deceptive demonstrations.

In My Wildest Dreams, I had never thought of this, something utterly absurd and eerie..
but this was something...
something called... REALITY!

Now if I choose to travel by air,
Oh no never will I, it scares me.
If I choose to travel by train,
Naah! Never have and never will.. Plus what if it looses track!
I have another choice, a ship, a cruise!
But no, Titanic sank, my God, I cried!
A bicycle?
No way! Urrgh! My legs! I can feel the pain already!
A Bus won't do, a Taxi is a public vehicle, no passenger owns it, in short a Taxi I'd never try.
I have other options, but no time to think.

I guess I'll start the car again, but this time I will drive it myself and I will drive safe.
I'll make myself learn to enjoy the air-conditioner's sooothing, cool air and the warmth outside.
Wish me a happy journey in this rocky road called life!

Urgh! My Wild Dreams are on the Loose!!!

When being Strong is your Only Choice...

It is true that I'm strong. It is true that I kept on watching an 80 year old's eye operation with blurred vision, but I did not give up. It is true that I was close to embracing death, in my jeep, when it was about to fall in a bottomless pit, but I did not turn off my video camera. It is true that I wish to keep a lion cub as not only a pet, but a life-long companion, despite knowing its voracious nature and man-eating abilities. It is true that I devise ingenious plans of self-defense when I'm alone at home or in the car, just to know how strong I am. It is true that I don't have a brother, but I know I'm stronger than any son my parents could possibly have.

As I write with my half chewed pencil, I can feel my adrenaline spiking, my heart thumping and my eyes flooding. The mere thought of it is enough for me to realize how correct Bob Marley was when he said,

'You never know how strong you are, until being strong is  your only choice'.

It was my cousin's wedding, and the entire house was teeming with people. The music was erupting at ear splitting decibel levels, and I wanted to give my ears some rest. Hence, I sneaked out of the crowd, and was successful in escaping to the secluded basement, where my night suit was awaiting. The basement was empty, but I could still hear the music and inhale the fragrance of roses. All was well until I entered the laundry room.

The moment I entered, my gut reaction was of stark disbelief and horror. What I was witnessing, was hard to digest. A marshmallow like finger, with a needle protruding out of it!

Wait, was it a strange nightmare!? No!

My two year old cousin's finger was actually inside my grandmother's old sewing machine! The needle had entered from one end of his index finger, and had made its way out through the other, like a piece of meat on a skewer.

It was stuck! I was stupefied! 

Shivering in horror, I could see blood. I could see a helpless, chubby, reddened face wanting my help. My eyes were wide open, my lower jaw had dropped and I could feel my empty cranium. All my senses had in a split of a second abandoned me. I had to cope with the complexity of the situation alone. I couldn't scream. I couldn't run. I couldn't leave the young soul, that was counting on me, alone. I had to do something. I somehow had to get the finger out. It had to be me, hence I took a step closer towards the finger. I did not have the audacity to look at the poor face; I focused on the finger. I, simultaneously, rotated the wheel of the sewing machine and pulled down the finger as gently as I could. It was out! It was finally freed! As soon as it was out, my senses came rushing back towards me. I could hear the music again, I could smell the roses again, but most importantly, I could feel the warmth of the hug that I had been given. He hugged me so hard that as I think of it now, I can feel the warmth; the gratitude. I had always been strong for myself, and it had felt good, but today, I had been strong for somebody else, and the joy was much greater.

The image of me standing there, in front of the helpless two-year-old, at times slips into my thoughts as I ponder over what lies ahead in life for me. It makes me gulp down the fact that, each one of us receives his or her share of hardships; we are rained with a torrent of challenges each day, and we can only succeed if we look into every challenge's eye. I could have cried, that day. I could have ran away, I could possibly have fainted...

But I did not!

I stood there with my eyes riveted upon the task at hand. I did not let my anxiety and fear take control, instead I kept awake my logical, decision maker self. I judged the situation calmly, and indeed correctly. I had made the right decision and was successful.

Today, life keeps on throwing at me, and I keep on hitting fours and sixes. Today, I'm not only strong, but also sensible.